


In the name of freedom

by Saramago



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Concentration Camps, F/F, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:47:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26718499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saramago/pseuds/Saramago
Summary: 1939, Zelda ends up in a concentration camp, in a difficult time, in a dangerous, terrible place, she meets a someone who will become a haven for her heart
Relationships: Zelda Spellman & Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith, Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith
Comments: 21
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

On the window, snow was falling, covering the houses like the mother wrapping it in a blanket of a sleeping child. The winter wind was blowing, and the crackling frost made the cheeks of passers-by blush every now and then. Nature lived its regular life, without fuss, without haste, worked its miracles, and there was such peace in all this. And the same silence was on the street, everyone was sitting at home, it was already evening, the curfew had come, but outside the apartment doors life was still in full swing: the radio was playing, children were laughing, spouses were quarreling. And apartment 34 on the third floor was also bustling with life.  
-Hilda, leave your trinkets! Collect the most important things, the fewer things the better, -Zelda hissed, snatching the shawl she'd inherited from her mother from her sister again.  
From the outside, it might seem that they were going to a quiet place, out of town, to relax, have fun with friends, there were very few things, in fact, only things that could be put on and hidden so that it was not visible. While Hilda angrily glared at Zelda, Dr. Cerberus cradled Sabrina in his arms, singing an old lullaby to her.  
-Do whatever you want,-Zelda said, unable to stand her sister's pressure. But Hilda had already realized that her sister was right. The last thing they need is to attract attention, she has already Packed enough things, she needs more food, she and Cerberus can sit and starve, but Sabrina... she needs constant nutrition, she's a child, everything they do now to protect her. The year 1937 was a significant one for their family: Edward and Diana were jailed for high treason. They were on the first shift of Buchenwald, and at first it seemed that it was just a prison and that they were just the unfortunate, but there were more and more prisoners, and less news from relatives. And so, having received the long-awaited letter, everyone was happy as small children. Only this joy was fleeting: soon Diana and Edward were sentenced to death. And then Zelda realized that there was no point in sitting back any longer, that she wasn't afraid for herself, that she could bear it, at least the woman believed it. But Sabrina was still a child, and Hilda was constantly in need of protection, and unfortunately, Zelda could find no other way to disappear than to leave the country for safety. And here they are in the waiting room, arguing about what to take and what to leave. If someone had told Zelda five years ago that the world would be on the brink of world war II, She would have laughed in his face, but she wasn't laughing now. She had survived the First world war as a child, but the memory of that fear was still vivid. Тhe whole family was standing in the hallway, even the usually cheerful and restless Sabrina was standing quietly, pressed against Zelda's thigh. Only after getting into the car, everyone exhaled, this is the very beginning of the journey, but they passed without meeting any of the neighbors, yes, perhaps someone was watching them from the window, but the main thing is that there was no delay, every second counts, every moment is important.  
They had been driving for thirty minutes, the tension growing with each passing second, and neither of them had spoken a word since the beginning of the journey, and Hilda held Sabrina, who had fallen asleep, close to her. Zelda turned the steering wheel steadily, turning to the left. Finally they left the city limits, now the main thing is to get to the border, and then get lost in the crowd. Another fifteen minutes ' drive and they were there. Only something is wrong, instead of relief, joy, the woman feels some discomfort, as if someone is watching her.  
She swerved off the road.  
-Get out of the car quickly,-Zelda said, her eyes darting from side to side.  
-What are you doing?-Cerberus asked irritably, not understanding what exactly had happened.-We sshould to go as fast as possible if someone is going to go now…  
-Then they won't notice us,-said the woman,-I went all over the place a few days ago, do you really think that I would have brought you all to a completely unknown place without even thinking about where you can escape?Zelda explained, her lips pressed together in a thin line.  
Finally, Cerberus looked around, and realized how stupid he was, their car was really not visible from any side, the trees successfully hid them from the outside world. Zelda had thought of everything, and neither Hilda nor Cerberus had thought of an escape route, but she had done it for them. With a heavy sigh, Cerberus looked at Sabrina, who had just woken up, and took her away. The man opened the door to Zelda's grateful gaze, intending to leave, when Hilda grabbed his arm.  
-What are you doing? We can't leave,-Hilda said, almost blindly.  
-No, we can, and we're leaving,- say Cerberus.  
Seeing that her sister was about to launch into a righteous speech again, Zelda turned to draw attention to herself.  
-Hilda, you know exactly what's going on, one of us has to stay, and neither you nor I can do anything on our own without Cerberus help.They won't leave you alone because of me.  
Hilda's eyes filled with tears as she looked at her sister, knowing that this might be their last meeting with Zelda. He and Cerberus didn't even think that something might go wrong, they were so stupid. And now she is alone, not alone as before, when there was just no one around, but alone in the literal sense, now she is alone.  
-Hilda, stop sitting there and get out your ass from my car, there's no time. And I'm cold,-Zelda said, trying to hide the tremor in her voice as she urged her sister on.  
When her sister finally got out of the car and she and Lantz started walking toward the woods, Zelda twisted the steering wheel as hard as she could, pulling back onto the road. Five more minutes of freedom and, if she understood, hell was waiting for her. They only said good-bye for a minute, but it was an unforgivably long time, long enough for someone to notice them in the woods. And the only thing she was thinking about right now was whether this moment of Hilda's weakness would not be worth Sabrina's life, let them take her away, but let them go, let Cerberus and Hilda escape in time.  
As soon as she turned the corner, she saw a black car. There was no point in turning back, she knew exactly who they were waiting for and why, but she had another goal. Swerving sharply to the side, the woman barely slipped between the car and a tree, and again pulled out on the highway. She had a few precious seconds, during which the Nazi Party* will decide what to do. But she knew perfectly well that it was only a couple of seconds, and as soon as she looked in the mirror, she saw a black Volkswagen Käfer, which was rapidly catching up with her. Zelda tried to maneuver to buy herself time again, but it didn't work, the car swerved sharply to the left, and the woman was shaken so hard that she literally stopped breathing. It took her a few seconds to come to her senses and realize that the game was over, the mouse had fallen into the clutches of the cat. A young, handsome, blond man approached the car. He jerked the door open, causing the woman to shiver. With nowhere else to run, they grab her by the arms and pull her to the car. But most importantly, she did what she wanted, she helped Sabrina, maybe for the last time, but she was able to buy them a few minutes. Zelda looked up at the sky one last time, knowing that they were incredibly lucky: there had been a lot of snow today, the car was already fairly dusted, and she could only hope that the trees would hide the tracks of Hilda and Cerberus. Tears involuntarily flowed from Zelda's eyes, this is the end.  
Snowflakes flew through the open kitchen window, falling to the ground and turning into a puddle. The wind was blowing in the corridor, peering through the open doors of the rooms. The apartment was waiting for the return of its owners, all the tthingswere in their place: on the table lay a summer shawl with a wonderful beauty painting, it was so thin, as if woven from a thousand cobwebs; evergreen flowers waiting for their portion of water; combs thrown directly on the chair, and next to the chair a Cup of half-drunk tea; everything was clean, but there were various toys on the floor, it is so difficult to keep order with children, but this gave the place its charm, comfort, here is a whirligig, and here is a rag doll sitting on wooden cubes.  
On the nightstand in the room were dozens of framed photos, here is a beautiful bride and her fiance, here they are with their daughter in their arms. And the next photo shows a proud student on her first day of school. And here two girls are standing in an embrace with a tall guy, smiling happily either to him or to some thoughts of their own. A whole memorial to one family, a place of remembrance and remembrance that evoked only positive emotions every day, today has become an altar to the victims, an altar to those whose souls are worth praying for. Or places rest the souls of the dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nazi Party-National Socialist German Workers' Party-NSDAP at russian/ukrainian/slovak languages
> 
> I'm sorry, English is not my native


	2. Chapter 2

Zelda was already oblivious to everything, about real world, she had lost track of time, there was no way she could escape. They had already passed the place where she had dropped off Hilda and Lanz, but the woman did not even raise an eyebrow, so as not to attract the attention of the young schütze*, she was well aware of how well-trained he was, how loyal he was, and how imbued with the ideology Of Wehrmacht. More recently he was anverter*, a school student, a member of the Hitlerjugend* now he is an adult, as he thinks, a man who is ready to destroy anything and everything that can harm his country, his nation, he can destroy even his family, if necessary. Zelda didn't believe in God, despite Verhmat's ideology, but she did believe in the human mind, and how glad she was now that she was a pessimist and always looking for a way out, they had studied at the map more than once at home, and she had hidden one copy in Sabrina's things, putting a compass in it as well. On the map itself, she plotted the correct route, based on the data she had, along the border with Poland, towards the forest there was no strong control of the posts, at least they were weaker than in other parts, and if you follow the route that she laid out, they will get to the border with the Czech Republic and from there go to Slovakia, in the Tatras it is easy to get lost, from there you can easily escape to Ukraine, Romania, and Hungary; Hungary was a safe place from war, like Croatia, which sided with Hitler. Zelda sincerely hoped that Hilda would not think of hiding in Croatia, the ustashe* had recently become like the SS in their brutality, and the woman had even heard rumors about the ustashe's desire to create their own version of a concentration camp, only for children. Only now it's up to Hilda and Lanz where they go, and she's done everything in her power.  
Zelda didn't ask where they were going; she knew perfectly well that they were on their way to the top SS leadership in the Berlin-Brandenburg district. She was an employee of the Department of race management, SS-Rasseamt, responsible for the marriages of SS members, since 1935 she was engaged in checking that the bride and groom were of Aryan origin, thus not violating the law "On the protection of German blood and German honor"*. But the Department of racial management was not only engaged in this, it was they who made the decision to forcibly sterilize gypsies and half-gypsies, at that time, 1933, Zelda had just joined the SS high headquarters in the communications Department, and had nothing to do with the adoption of this law. And that's why she hoped that no one would know what she did. The communications department gave many privileges, one of them was the ability to get information before others, and Zelda did not disdain to use this advantage of her work, she managed to warn the liberal-minded residents and Communists in the person of Ernest Telman*, whom she knew in absentia, then she simply warned about the raid, the possible sterilization of women, but over the years her help became more and more invaluable, Zelda warned in advance that children and women would be taken away, that men from one or another district would be sent to work camps. The woman knew very well that it would come back to her, and if it wasn't for her family, she wouldn't be afraid of anything. She was ready calmly go to the scaffold and finally stop participating in attempts to save innocent people. She was a good citizen, an excellent employee, but the ideas of the SS, Verhmat, Hitler and Himmler were not close to her. And all who think differently should be immediately ready for destruction.  
The car stopped and Zelda finally realized that they had arrived, that this was the Department of internal security, her last resting place. Young Schutz unceremoniously dragged the woman in the direction of the building, it was cold outside, much colder than in the morning, and this could not but upset Zelda, most likely, Hilda will not be able to move so fast, the very thought that because of this they will be able to catch up with them instilled in the woman a huge fear.  
A gray building, huge and large, like the residence of Victor Frankenstein, like a strict warden looked at Zelda, but nothing could shake the will of a woman, she is afraid, she does not know what is waiting for her inside, whether she will get out of here, she does not know what will happen to Sabrina, but Zelda will never show it, she will never bow her head down in fear, all her life she walked with her head held high, even if there were tears in her eyes and her bones ached, and she would not show any slack. They walked past the administration office without even stopping, and Zelda realized once again that they were waiting for her here, no one asked her name, so they had been following her for a long time, someone had already turned all the cards against her. Was it Faustus, who most likely found out what she was up to and, driven by his selfishness and hurt by it, gave her away? Was it one of the intermediaries she was in contact with? And if it was a middleman, did he turn them all in? There were hundreds of questions in her head that she would not get answers to until she entered the ill-fated office of obergruppenfuhrer Mueller. Zelda was sure that she was being led to him, a matter of such importance, in fact, espionage for the enemy, treason to the state could not be entrusted to some hauptscharfuhrer, no, she was a goldfish who could fulfill the desire to curry favor with Hitler, to prove her loyalty to him. They went up to the third floor, and the previously calm Schutz began to adjust his uniform, trying to smooth it down as much as possible so that it looked perfect. Zelda looked at the this show somewhat disdainfully, the boy looking more like a peacock that had spread its feathers than an officer. He, noticing the disdainful look of a woman abruptly grabbed her by the elbow and pushed him to the side of the Cabinet. As soon as they entered, Zelda realized that she had been right more than ever, that Mueller had not dared to entrust a matter of such importance to anyone else. He held up his hand to let Phule know that he should leave, and then they were alone. Zelda looked directly into Mueller's eyes, although it was hard, he was no less fanatical than the boy, only she also had power, the man tried to resemble his ideological inspirers in everything, hair, mustache, manners, he was the perfect student, of the round little reading glasses, the glass, almost dead blue eyes of Mueller looked at Zelda.  
-I'm sure you know very well why you're here,-the man began, sitting down at the table, -and I'll tell you the truth, I've always liked you, boldly expressed your opinion, a fine member of the SS retinue, and I really didn't expect this from you. You are the one who, more than anyone else, should understand the importance and value of the race management department, you should understand the importance of preserving the purity of German blood, and it was you who betrayed us. For so many years, Frau Spellman, you have looked me in the face, in the face of our leader, and lied and helped these... these half-humans,-Mueller finally finished.  
Zelda took a deep breath, knowing that the point of this meeting was just to let her know when the trial was going to take place, that she was going to face the death penalty, and given recent events, death was the best of her fates. The new camps were the hell and the nightmare for anyone who had even heard of them. The camp would only prolong her agony, as it had with Diana and Edward, and when Mueller produced a document, Zelda gathered herself and prepared to listen to the speech she had long memorized. But something went wrong:  
-Personally, Zelda, I would immediately execute you, what kind of trial, what kind of investigation for people like you? But our leader is not as stupid as I am, he is far-sighted, he knows that you can still work, you can still benefit the German people, our correct German movement, and by the grace of our ruler, you were sentenced today, -Zelda's eyes widened as soon as she realized what was going on, Muller just grinned at this picture.-The hight court of the SS decided to send you, Zelda Spellman, to the Buchenwald concentration camp for forced labor.  
-You had no right to hold a court session without me!-the woman began, but when she saw that Mueller looked at her strangely, she she paused, letting Mueller continue:  
-You know how this process goes without me, and you are very lucky, Zelda, that you are one of us, and we came for you later, you should thank God that you did not suffer the fate of your accomplices. Schutz, come in, -Muller called,-take the prisoner to the block of those who will soon be sent to Buchenwald, and make sure that none of her friends are near her.-And,Zelda, if you think we won't find your sister and her husband, then you are very much mistaken, the fact that they ran away already indicates their guilt.  
Stutz grabbed Zelda's shoulder again in a familiar gesture and dragged her out of the office. But despite this, the woman was happy, still Hilda and Cerberus were able to get away, if they could have been caught, it would have already happened, but their trail was not found. They haven't found it yet, but even that gives them hope that they can get away and hide Sabrina. Zelda's prospects were not so bright, but she had nowhere to go.  
It was cold and dark in the punishment cell, she was sitting in the farthest corner, not attracting attention, the air was so damp that it was impossible to breathe, the woman was lucky that in the morning she thought to put on a warm fur coat. The room was deathly quiet, even the children sat and did not move, each of them waiting for their fate, and it was terrible. Suddenly Zelda felt incredibly ashamed that she didn't even think about being sent to Buchenwald, she didn't even know what was waiting for her, the unknown is more frightening than death, this painful waiting for the moment of truth, the moment when they will finally come for them and reveal the secret of what awaits them in that frightening place. Heavy thoughts like a quagmire dragged Zelda deeper and deeper, although the woman was a pessimist, but even she found it difficult to imagine what was waiting for them outside the doors of that place. It's one thing to die, which, if painful, ends everything, but here is something completely different, something that can break, and then you yourself will not be happy that you survived, her dreams, her hopes were not so strong as to feed the strength and will to live for so long. Only the thought that she was ahead of them for a little while comforted her, if they had stayed even for a minute, everything could have ended very differently, Sabrina, like that little boy, was taken to her in horror, and Zelda did not know how to comfort the child. Right now, her niece is probably also snuggling up to Hilda, but they still have a chance to escape, they didn't fall into the trap, and thanks to Zelda's timely reaction, they were able to escape. And that cost to woman more than her own freedom.

***

Sabrina was still sound asleep, even though in the car was a fight, even though Hilda was practically running, trying to get as far into the woods as possible so they couldn't be found. Cerberus ran alongside her, occasionally looking back, noticing a ledge of several trees ahead that would have made them impossible to see, and the man immediately moved in, signaling Hilda to follow. They did not stop running as soon as they disappeared behind the trees, it was dangerous to stop at the very beginning of the forest, thank god they knew the area well, and calmly found a clearing where they usually had picnics. The woman pressed her back against a nearby tree, trying to catch her breath, while Lantz listened carefully to his surroundings, but all he heard in response was the sound of the forest: the song of winter birds, the rustle of tall dry branches in the wind, and nothing else. -Hilda, we can't stay here too long, just a few minutes and we'll go,- the man said.  
-We'll wait a bit, Zelda might come, maybe she imagined it,-Hilda tried to argue.  
-Honey, no,-Cerberus said firmly,-if Zelda's all right, she'll find us, and if we don't leave now, we'll end up in the same place as her.-Your sister only asked us to take care of Sabrina. Hilda blinked back unbidden tears as Cerberus carefully took the Teddy bear from Sabrina's hands. Inside the toy, Zelda made a hiding place where she put all the documents and money. She was always very careful, it was dangerous to go with her real documents, so Zelda found a person who helped make passports so that they could leave without problems. Cerberus didn't even want to think about how much money it had cost her, but even more than that, he tried to avoid thinking about how did Zelda had a friend who did this. As soon as he opened the bear, it wasn't the passports or german marks that caught his eye, but the map they used to plot their route and the compass at the top. Even when she was away, Zelda took care of Sabrina, and all they could do to repay a woman for such work was to keep Sabrina safe. Opening the map, he saw that Zelda had laid out a special route, commenting on everything she knew, every checkpoint, every shift change hour, every detour, it was a long and painstaking work that took more than a day, and perhaps even a week, which allowed Hilda and Cerberus to remain unnoticed. The man again mentally thanked Zelda for such foresight, and, opening the compass, began to navigate in which direction they should go.  
-Hilda, give me Sabrina,-the man said, handing the map to the woman and taking the girl.-We need to go to the left,-the woman explained, pointing to the side.  
-Did Zelda leave this?  
-Yes, we didn't even think about it, it's good that your sister was with us,-Cerberus said, turning to the blonde and taking her hand. -Hildy, please come, I know how much you love Zelda, but think about how she would feel if she found out that you and Sabrina were caught. She will blame herself, your sister is a wonderful and strong person, she will cope, Zelda is one of the smartest women I have ever met, she is strong, and you should also be strong, not for yourself, but for her,-Lantz said, pointing to the sleeping girl in his arms.  
Hilda took a deep breath and finally squeezed Cerberus's hand in return, moving with him toward the thicket.  
The forest lived its own life, it spoke its own language, but this language was incomprehensible to anyone, the water in the stream merrily told the crowns of the trees about what she had seen today, the trees rustled softly, making soft creaking sounds. But the forest was silent, it did not betray the secrets of the lovers who sought shelter in its arms, it never told about the shed tears and unforgivable sins, and forest did not say any word about the three travelers who disappeared in its depths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Schütze-an SS military rank that existed in formations of the Waffen-SS from 1939 to 1945. Translated from German, it means "shooter".  
> Anverter-The word anverter translates from German as "candidate", a party title that existed in the NSDAP from 1925 to 1945 and in the SS  
> Hitlerjugend-the youth organization of the Nazi party. Members of the Union were only boys, for girls there was a separate Union of German girls.  
> Ustashe-ustaše/rebelsalso known as Croatian revolutionary movement — Hrvatski revolucionarni pokret  
> "On the protection of German blood and German honor"-also known as part of Nuremberg race laws,  
> proclaimed on the initiative of Adolf Hitler on September 15, 1935 at the National socialist party Congress in Nuremberg in accordance with the secret program (1920) and unanimously adopted by the Reichstag session, specially convened in Nuremberg on the occasion of the party Congress.  
> Ernest Telman-leader of the German Communists. A member of the Reichstag in the years 1925-1933. One of Hitler's main political opponents. The last 11 years of his life, from the formation of the Third Reich until the execution, he spent in prison.
> 
> I apologize for any mistakes, English is not my native language


	3. Chapter 3

In the morning, a young woman came to them and immediately started shouting, trying to Wake everyone and everything, her voice was so strong that she don't even need to shout to frighten them, but the pleasure from the dissatisfied expressions on the prisoners ' faces was too great to deny yourself it. Here and there a child's cry was heard, but the officer paid no attention to it.  
-Everyone gather! Your carriage has arrived,-the woman yelled.  
As the prisoners began to rise, the newcomers officers began to form a sort of even line out of the crowd of women. Zelda was almost at the rear, with only a few young girl, jew and gypsie, behind her, each of them trying not to stand out from the crowd, except of the occasional sob of children, there was no sound, as if everyone had already accepted their fate, knowing that nothing good was waiting for them. They were all driven to the back of the yard and loaded into trucks that were not even covered with tarpaulins, despite the wet cold snow, the winter wind, and even the children were not taken inside the trucks. Zelda looked around timidly and realized that the car was moving towards the train station, which was no more than ten minutes away. The woman thought about trying to escape, but having two SS officers at her side killed any hope of a positive outcome, if she only tried to jump out of the truck, she would be killed immediately, and that was the best case scenario. Humility was a position that Zelda Spellman hated, but being proud and bearing all the sorrows was one thing, and completely sitting back was another. Difficult times have broken out, times that not everyone can survive. Lost in uneasy thoughts, the woman did not notice how they finally arrived at the station. They were lined up again, taking a roll call to make sure no one got runaway along the way. The female commander who had accompanied them handed the documents to the rottenfuhrer* and returned to the car with a salute. They all began to be herded into the trading vans of trains, there was not enough space, too little, the women were crowded, involuntarily pressed against each other, there was a catastrophic lack of air. But half an hour later, each of them was able to find a place, and Zelda was back to the two young girls.   
-Do you know where we're going?-the jewish girl suddenly asked.  
Zelda looked around in disbelief, trying to figure out if this question was really addressed to her, and when she finally gathered her strength and decided to lie, the gypsy spoke up.  
-We are going to the camp, to Buchenwald,-the girl said brusquely, noticing how the jewish woman's face changed, Zelda glared at her, who only replied that it was better to know your enemy by sight and be prepared for what would happen.   
Zelda, of course, perfectly understood the gypsy's motives, she was the same, but she can't be so cruel to such a young creature. But on the other hand, she was well aware of her motives, apparently, she was not the first to be taken from their village, and most likely she was told where she could go. It was cruel to tell the truth, but it was even more terrible to be silent, not letting a person prepare for a blow, everyone on this train was scared, confused, did not know what to do, how to continue living, and now there was come for one more worried soul.  
-We don't know how it is yet, dear, so calm down, everything will be fine,-the woman tried to console the unfortunate woman, although she knew perfectly well that this lie was probably the last breath of fresh air, the last hope that would accompany them into the unknown.  
The gypsy only grinned at this, but did not say anything, realizing that if someone still had hope, she had no right to break it and destroy it like this.   
-Do not shed tears because you can't change, almost everyone who goes here is only to blame for being born in a different family, or just said that they do not like something. It's not a great honor to be here, but it's a great honor to be part of something bigger, look at me, I'm a gypsy and I'm proud of it, my people are free and free, no one can stop us, no one can stop me. So don't hang your nose, jew, carry what is a disgrace in their eyes as your main advantage, you are better than them, remember only this,-the girl suddenly burst into an inspired speech, which even somewhat lifted Zelda's mood, and several women who heard this speech nodded their heads approvingly, supporting every word of their young sister in misfortune.   
-My name is Czeslawa, Czeslawa Kwok," the young jewish woman to whom the gypsy's speech had been addressed suddenly introduced herself.  
-Dushana,the other girl said simply.   
This was probably one of the most awkward situations Zelda had ever been in. On the one hand, she admired the courage of Dushanas, not everyone would dare to give birth to such a speech right in the bosom of their enemy, but on the other, she understood the big mistake that each of them could make now-attachment. Zelda, unlike the girls, perfectly understood where she was going, what might be waiting for them there, but they, due to simple childish naivety, believed that everything could be better. And once one of them gets attached to each other, it will cause a lot of problems. Each of them reminded her of Hilda as a child and her hopes for what Sabrina would grow up to be. And they were just children, innocent children who were already born to blame for being born at the wrong time and in the wrong place.   
-How long do we have to drive?-Czeslawa asked.   
-About seven o'clock, Bucharest is in Weimar,-Zelda replied, -my sister and brother and I used to go there sometimes, it's a very beautiful city. We'd better get some rest, it's going to be a long day.  
That was the last thing they said to each other that day. The girls dozed off after half an hour of silence, but Zelda sat there like a hawk, looking from side to side. She couldn't calm down, couldn't stop herself from thinking about what the future held for her, for all of them, and that future was getting closer and closer, creeping up on her like a snake hidden by a horse's skull, and though she couldn't see it, she knew that soon she would be attacked, soon she would need the strength to protect herself. She would not sit like that king and wait for her own fate, looking at the bones of her once-friend, not even thinking about what was inside, the woman told herself. But all of this was lie to herself, already now she was the same Oleg* who only looked around, who was only interested in what was outside, who could only look, not see. The woman herself did not notice how she fell into an uneasy sleep, she woke up only when she felt that the train slowed down, which made the sound of wheels even louder. Czeslawa was still fast asleep, her head resting on the ledge in the van, but Dushana was not there, she had gone to the other gypsies a few hours ago, it was easier to stay in a group, and Zelda was glad that the girl had people who were ready to help her. The train finally came to a complete stop, the sudden pitching of the train caused Czeslawa to slide off the ledge and stare disorientated, trying to remember where she was, and taking advantage of this momentary blurring, Zelda was finally able to consider the girl. She could not have been more than fourteen years old, a thin, frail, small, ordinary girl, except for one thing: she was beautiful, very beautiful, with delicate features, full lips, expressive large eyes framed by thick lashes; her thick hair fell to her shoulders, сurling into small curls at the ends. One day she will grow up to be a beautiful woman, a beautiful woman with a difficult fate.  
-Why are you sittings down?-get up quickly and get out of the train."   
Everyone in the van moved, there was no pandemonium near the exit, everyone humbly waited for their turn. Czeslawa stood quietly behind Zelda, as if trying to hide from the officers. When they finally got off the train, it became clear that in fact there were at most 50 people, but in the cramped cold car it seemed completely different. Their little convoy was surrounded by several shtandartenfurer, the head of which was Erich von Bismarck - churchaffiliated*.   
-You are all traitors to your country, you all deserve to be executed, but our merciful Fuhrer pardoned you and gave you all, antisocial individuals, low people, traitors, criminals a second chance, he gave you the opportunity to work for the benefit of the German people,-the man recited with inspiration.   
-They'll take you all to the camp now, and then they'll check you out, that woudnt by long, but I don't advise you to keep us. Come in order of turn and everything will be fine,-Erich said with a grin, his grin not promising anything good.  
Those who were not lucky enough to stand on the edges were pushed forward, towards the big building. They had gone less than a hundred meters when they began to see a gate, large, gray, with iron bars. At the very top, the phrase "Suum cuique" was made from these very rods, to each his own. The gates slowly let in the first people who dared to cross some imaginary threshold, it seemed that if you only step forward and your whole life will sink into oblivion, the whole essence of a person, all his self will disappear. Czeslawa unconsciously grabbed Zelda's hand, looking for support, and The woman gave her what she needed-she smiled encouragingly, and pulled the girl along, there was no point in standing still anymore, there was no desire to test the guards ' patience.   
They were lined up again in a straight line, and immediately a man with a strange hand-held typewriter began to approach them. Zelda did not understand what was happening at first, she was pulled aside and began to pull off her fur coat, it was not cold outside, but it only seemed so because of the warm fur, as soon as she was left in her shirt, a frosty wind blew on her, making her shiver. The officer pulled her sideways again, forcing her to turn sideways, and he pulled her hair into a knot and cut it all off in one motion, the curls falling down to cover a thin layer of snow. Zelda didn't even have time to recover when the officer brought the typewriter close to her skull and began cutting off what was left. She felt instantly cold, as if she were standing naked, so unaccustomed was she to feeling without hair. As soon as the procedure was over, she was immediately pushed to another officer, and a tearful Czeslawa was already dragged to the typewriter.  
Zelda was dragged into a room where her name was once again checked, a man in a white coat forced her to undress and examined her for any physical injuries, even examined her mouth to see if she had gold teeth. As soon as he finished his examination, she was given a uniform, an ordinary striped shirt, and pants that were too cold for this time of year, too big, and she even had to tie them up, making a kind of knot so that they wouldn't fall off; the shirt had numbers on it, her number, and a red triangle*. When Zelda finished dressing, Czeslawa was pushed into the room, lost, with a split lip and a bloody streak on her chin. Zelda wanted to support her somehow, but the instinct of self-preservation won out and she went on to the camera, she was forced to turn several times, taking photos both in profile and in full face.   
-Let me go!-Czeslawa shouted, drawing the attention of everyone in the room.   
The woman who entered the room grabbed the girl by the arm and started hitting her, hitting her in the face, then in the stomach, she hit indiscriminately and with such force that the poor girl shook like a rag doll, with shaking head from side to side. It was physically painful for Zelda to watch what was happening, and even hearing Czeslawa's screams was unbearable. But at one point everything stopped, and full of hope, the woman opened her eyes, but immediately regretted it. As soon as the officer opened her hand, the girl's body fell down like a bag of sawdust. Her face was completely covered in blood, and her eyes were completely empty, Zelda was even afraid to imagine how hard the girl was beaten. That there was painful even ook at this picture, and the woman turned away, hoping that after such a liberty there would be no punishment for her. But the officer did not even pay attention to the fact that she was watching what happened, he himself carefully watched every movement of the tormentor, enjoying every yelp, scream and moan. As soon as the man regained consciousness, he immediately pulled Zelda towards the wall, while the guard let a new batch of women pass, they stared in horror at the girl's body, but were afraid to say anything. About half an hour passed, and a good half of all the new arrivals gathered in the room, Czeslawa's body had long since been taken out, but the symbolic minute of silence for the young soul had not yet ended. A standard-bearer came up to them and ordered them to follow him. Zelda was inwardly glad that it was already night and curfew, and they hadn't had time to get on shift today. But tomorrow will come anyway.   
It was already dark outside, but the streetlights illuminated their path, and the residential blocks were on either side, which was where they were being led. Zelda got into the first block on the left, as did several other girls with the same red stripes on their chests as her. It was a block of political prisoners, the next one on the left was intended for social personalities, everything was systematized, each prisoner had his own number and color, this led to the fact that the prisoners could not disappear without a trace.   
Women, under the strict gaze of the commandant, entered the room, there was no room at all, those who were faster managed to take single seats, but most of them had to disturb other people, but it was clear that most of the prisoners had not yet returned from work. Each newcomer lay down where he saw the place, Zelda also decided to just lie down near the wall, on the hay laid on the ground. It seemed to her that she would never be able to go to rest, but as soon as her head touched the soft hay, an incredible weariness fell on her, and Zelda fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> King Oleg/Oleg of Novgorod(віщий Олег ukr.)-was a Varangian prince (or konung) who ruled all or part of the Kyivska Rus' people during the late 9th and early 10th centuries. According to the records of Nestor the chronicler, king Oleg died from the bite of a snake that crawled out of the skull of his horse. Once upon a time, a sorceress predicted his death from a loyal ally and friend, from his best horse, and to protect himself from this, Oleg ordered to kill him, but the horse still killed the king, as it was intended  
> Division III: Supervision of prisoners (Sutzhaftlagerführung), led by the Schutzhaftlagerführer  
> Red triangle-political prisoners: сommunists, trade unionists, liberals, social Ddemocrats, freemasons, and anarchists.  
> Rottenfuhrer-rank of enlisted personnel in the SS and SA, which existed from 1932 to 1945. In the Waffen-SS, it corresponded to the rank of оber-corporal in the Wehrmacht.


	4. Chapter 4

The morning didn't start unexpectedly, Zelda was asleep, but she could still hear every step, and she could hear a small party of a SS-TV¹ womans² approachingg. She also heard the other prisoners comes back in the night, none of them talking, and at any other time, in any other place, Zelda would have considered it a simple act of courtesy, but here it was oppressively quiet. The prisoners lay down just as quietly, tired and exhausted, none of them needed time to get sleep, and Zelda's neighbor was the same, if it wasn't for the warmth that came from her, the woman wouldn't have noticed that someone was lying down with her, on a cold winter night, even such a source of warmth was a real blessing. But this grace ended with the first footsteps that could be heard from the street, everyone in the room immediately started to get up, trying to line up as quickly as possible. And Zelda couldn't afford to hide behind her closed eyelids any longer, the real world was waiting, and procrastination might not be well received.  
-Good morning,-the speaker said, -on behalf of the Fuhrer, we wish you a good day at work, all of us working for the benefit of our great country.  
Zelda heard a strange, unpleasant crackling sound coming directly from the loudspeaker, and then "German Song"³ started playing all over the camp, and several sturmscharführers* escorted all the people from different blocks. Zelda remained close to her neighbor, even with a stranger, but with her sister in misfortune, it was easier for her. The work block was located next to the camp, everything was covered with barbed wire and just a blind fence, which was always escorted by officers of different ranks. It was only when the groups began to disperse that Zelda realized that not everyone would be going to the closed workshops, and a group of men with a green triangle* on their chest, the only group of men Zelda could see, went to the farthest building. In the work shop it was cold, colder than outside, they all immediately dispersed to the tables, and Zelda again lucky enough to stay with the woman who slept next to her, even though it is correct to say that Zelda was sleeping next to her, and only because she was there with a trained person, the woman next ti her was a master was able to assemble some mechanism. What the mmechanismit was, she had no idea, but she didn't even have a second to think about it, every second of delay was punished with kicks, and she didn't want to be one of those unfortunate people who was unlucky enough to get punished by a female officer. It took Zelda only half an hour to get used to the pace of work and understand what to do, now she was not equal to the woman next to her, and she did everything calmly, at first the work did not seem difficult to her, just hit each other with parts, that's the whole principle of work, but the cold, chilling right to the bones, heavy air, which smelled like oil, and it was impossible to breathe because of this doing even the simplest job was a hell of a work. Zelda waited like a naive child for dinner, but two hours passed, three, and it was almost evening, but there was still no lunch break. Even just to sit down was not possible, the woman's back ached wildly, her legs seemed to be completely numb, her fingers did not obey at all, but no one had even a minute to catch their breath. Zelda stole a quick glance around the room, and noticed a small window that looked out on the street. Just a small gap, but even that seemed like a portal to another world, a world of freedom and peace. Zelda had been here less than a day, but she already wanted to escape, wanted to hide somewhere quiet, or just not wake up after yesterday's chase. The time dragged on too long, every hour seemed to turn into agony, not only her legs hurt, but Zelda knew that it was only because she had been standing in one position for more than a few hours, and soon, as soon as she took one step, her entire body would start to ache. And this very chiming of the clock and the operator's voice coming from the loudspeaker were a blessing.  
-Good evening, on behalf of the Fuhrer, we inform you that today's working day is over. We are all working for the good of our great country, for the good of the whole world, and we will all get what we deserve after the victory of our sacred people,-came the voice over the loudspeaker, but Zelda did not even try to listen, she was so tired that she could not even turn her tongue. A whole day in the cold, a whole day without food, a whole day standing at the machine, a week ago Zelda would not have believed this story, but here she is, the main character of some long-running joke. The women returned to the building, and all of Zelda's hopes for dinner were dashed in an Instant, as she leaned back against the wall, listening to the outside noise.  
-They let us go faster today,-Zelda suddenly heard next to her.  
She opened her eyes in surprise, staring straight at the same woman with whom she shared both the bed and the workplace. Her eyes were sunken, with huge bruises, but they still had a spark of life in them, and the eyes were the only thing visible on her face, the protruding cheekbones that once definitely gave a woman an unusual appearance, now just made it even more angular. The stranger's hair was long, quite a bit, but the semblance of a kind of hat that protects from the cold was created.  
-Yes? I just got here yesterday, -Zelda forced herself to say, the only thing she wanted now was a dream, but she could still deny herself the pleasure of finding someone who would be close to her. -You will get used to it, we will be here for a long time,-the woman answered, looking at the distance in a strange way.  
And Zelda couldn't look away from her, she kept looking, and there was something unusual about the woman opposite her, something picturesque, something elusive. Sadness. Pain. Despair. But along with all this, there was something else that distinguished a woman from the rest of the world: strength, strength in her eyes, despair, but not deadly, longing, but with hope for the future. And all these contrasts, all these contradictions that a woman's appearance evoked, attracted Zelda so much that she would have sat there all her life looking at her aloof face. The women fell into a comfortable silence, broken only by the low whispers of the other prisoners. Fatigue piled up with a new force, Zelda slowly began to slide down on the hay, trying to warm herself with her hands, it's not the coldest night yet and it's scary to imagine what awaits them on dark winter nights. Her neighbor also lay down next to her, and once again Zelda couldn't help but be glad that there was someone who gave off warmth her, even if it didn't warm like a fire or warm radiators, or even just hot water, but it made her feel better, just knowing that there were people around her, other people who were right there in this place.  
Three more days passed at the same pace, as if deja vu, every day were the same thing, work, painful sleep interrupted by coughing prisoners, work again. But sometimes in the evenings she would talk to her neighbor, it was an outlet for Zelda, she didn't know her name or why the woman was here, none of them had a name, there were only numbers on their uniforms, there was no past or future, there was only now. Zelda actually was surprised her neighbor, it was obvious that she lived a lot, it was evident that her hard, but she had the last effort to jump into the fray, defending himself, his freedom, Frau Spellman was nice to listen some thoughts of the brunette lead the dialogues, albeit they usually only lasted half an hour, it was the most peaceful half hour in the life of Zelda, she tried to remember every phrase, every thought, fully imbued with their casual conversation. Zelda liked the words that told her the woman even if she is not understanding that she was comforted her, inspired, gave hope for tomorrow, most of all for Zelda remembered conversation was their second, the brunette said that without context, just sharing his thought, but the simplicity of this phrase was so impressed by the depth that Zelda still repeated it in my head like it was a sacred mantra, life-saving, < /i>"You Know, Zelda, I always wanted to live in warmth and comfort, in souls warmth, but life is not only spring, this autumn and winter, no one to live in the garden of Eden, it's just a promised place, and you can't find it, you have to create it yourself." < /i>It helped as much as the belief that her family was all right. Zelda was afraid that in just a couple of days she had lost all faith and hope.  
In the morning, the endless loop ended, and they were all taken out for roll call. Some women and children were pushed out of the row and dragged somewhere to distant blocks, these were either those who were physically unable to work, or those who were ill, the children were taken all in a row, but someone was taken to another building. And Zelda didn't want to know what fate awaited each of them, that was her the bliss of ignorance. The female officer paused for a second and grinned, as if she had heard an incredibly funny thing, she glanced around at everyone and settled on a single woman, her gaze boring into gaze fixed on Zelda's neighbor, and it didn't promise anything good.  
-Our star is still here, isn't it, Frau Mornigstar?  
As soon as the last words left the guard's lips, Zelda's eyes widened in surprise, and the woman's face showed a mixture of horror and surprise, it took her only a few seconds to pull out everything she had ever heard about Lilith from the depths of her memory. And she heard a lot, in 1934 there was only talk about the "Night of the long knives"⁴, and Lilith Mornigstar was not the last figure in it. Of course, Fritz Gerlich's⁵ close friend, who shared his ideas and openly opposed the ideas of Nazism, could not simply be unknown to the people, her ideas and speeches were loved by many, despite the active opposition to the Hitler regime, she was still respected among the highest ranks, but all her benefactors apparently died on the night of June 29-30. And Lilith has been such a fallen victim to everyone all these years. But here she was, flesh and blood, standing in the same row as Zelda...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sturmscharführers-  
> a rank in the SS that existed from 1934 to 1945. Consistent with the title of stabsfeldwebel in the Wehrmacht and was the highest rank a non-commissioned SS officers. The title of stormcaller existed only in the Waffen SS.  
> SS-TV(SS-Totenkopfverbände)-death head squard, the SS unit responsible for guarding the concentration camps of the Third Reich.  
> Green triangles-criminals are repeat offenders.  
> "German song"-on august 11, 1922, at the meeting of the German National Assembly, where the Weimar Constitution was adopted, the first Reich President of Germany, Friedrich Ebert, declared "the song of the Germans" the national anthem of the Republic. During the Third Reich, only the first stanza of the song was sung, followed by the Nazy party anthem Horst Wessel's song.  
> Fritz Gerlich, a journalist who was one of the main representatives of the journalistic resistance against Adolf Hitler and Nazism.  
> "Night of the long knives" (German: Nacht der langen Messer), also known as the Rohm putsch (German: Röhm-Putsch) — Hitler's massacre of some leaders of the SA assault detachments, which took place on June 30, 1934. The code name is operation Kolibri (German: Unternehmen Kolibri). The reason for the massacre was the disloyalty of the stormtroopers led by Ernst Rohm and suspicion of preparing a putsch.
> 
> I have started my studies and work, so, unfortunately, or fortunately, I will not be able to post chapters often.


	5. Chapter 5

The roll call ended as suddenly as it had begun, and the names of those who had already died were read. Zelda decided it was probably for some sort of statistics. It was somewhat funny to hear that Cheslava was killed because of extreme statements and an attempt to escape. The winter wind that Zelda had once loved so much was now only unpleasant, and she was still not used to the fact that her head was not protected from the outside world by her hair, which made it seem a thousand times colder. But the woman didn't have time to feel sorry for herself, they were already being dispersed to work shops. Lilith was back in front of Zelda, the woman confidently doing her job, oblivious to everything around her. At first, Zelda had dreamed of the same kind of concentration, but now she realized that it was just apathy, Lilith didn't pay attention to anything, because she wasn't interested in what was happening around her. The workplace was even colder than yesterday, and hunger did not make the work easier and more pleasant. Zelda hadn't eaten since the day she'd arrived in this awful place. And very soon Zelda will look no better than Lilith. Although she still thought the woman was beautiful, tired, hairless, thin, and hunched, but beautiful. Some people were memorabled by their gut so much that their face was just an additional identification method. A violent cough was heard from another part of the room, no one dared to look at what had happened, but the noise of falling parts and the subsequent scream left no room for imagination. The caretakers were cruel people, none of them looked young or old, woman or man, they hit with the same hatred, and Zelda didn't want to know what it was like to feel their wooden sticks on her. The hours ticked by, unwilling to speed up. Every minute felt like an hour, every hour like a week, but there was still no way to leave, to escape. And when the day finally ended, Zelda hoped that they can go and afford to go to rest, but she was stopped what Lilith and a few women moved to the other side of the workplace, she followed them, not even knowing that they are there to do. And finally, when she saw the woman's lifeless body, some unkind thoughts began to creep into her head.  
Lilith grabbed the woman's body by one leg, and the other two women grabbed her hands.  
-How long will you be staring? Maybe you help us? -one of the women asked.  
Without realizing what she was doing, Zelda did as she was asked. They picked up the woman's body and carried it to the street, to the room behind the blocks, where several dead women were already lying. They put the woman next to the pile of bodies and started undressing her.  
-What are you doing?-with resentment in his voice, asked Zelda.  
-We're making life easier for you and for ourselves,-one of the unknown women said, handing Zelda a scarf.  
-Do you think they need clothes? They'll be buried in the ground anyway, and we really need it.  
When Zelda was about to say something again, Lilith stopped her and looked at the red-haired woman and said:  
-It's winter, and more cold time is coming, do you think any of us will survive it in this?-Lilith asked, pointing to the striped shirt.-There was a typhoid epidemic here at the beginning of the year¹, many of us was really sick, and none of us want to die, so if we have to, we'll each take off anything that can help keep us warm. Each of us, after the death, will be happy to give everything we have so that others will survive. So stop it, it's just clothes, no one is forcing you to eat her,-Lilith said, pulling the scarf over Zelda's head. Zelda couldn't bring herself to help the women, she just looked away, but she wished she hadn't, she wanted to scream when her gaze fell on another pile of dead, naked women, and one of them she recognized as cheslava. A look of horror crossed the redhead's face. She tried her best to stifle a cry of horror, but she couldn't do it, as soon as she opened her mouth, the faces of Lilith and her friends showed horror, Lilith remained standing, looking at Zelda, and the other two girls had already run away. It took just thirty seconds for Zelda to understand their reaction: an angry female officer entered the room, she immediately went to Zelda and hit her in the stomach, causing Her to bend in half, the woman was about to hit her on the head, but Lilith stopped her. -Come on, you know she just got here, doesn't know anything yet. -Ah, Queen of the noble,-the woman said, lowering her stick.-Mind you, Mornigstar, if she does anything else like that, she, and you, will get no mercy. The officer left as suddenly and quickly as she had entered. Zelda was still in shock, tears streaming down her cheeks, and she thought she was going to throw up, but Lilith's voice brought her to her senses. -That's enough, she's already gone. You'd better help me. Zelda scrambled to her feet and stared with infinite resentment at the brunette, who was already pulling pants off body's. When she and Lilith were done with everything, Zelda took one last look at Cheslava's body, even now she was not allowed to mourn the girl's death, was there anyone in the whole world who would mourn her, was there anyone who could mourn Zelda herself? She and Lilith went back to the block when everyone was asleep, and Zelda lay as far away from Lilith as possible, and Lilith just let out a tired sigh. -Enough, Agatha and Dorkis were right, we need these clothes more. And if you're offended that yelled at you, then you should remember where we are. You could have sent us all to the brig, or worse, to hard work. If you want to go to the quarry so badly, I won't hold you, but don't set the others up. -I don't think there's a place worse than this,-Zelda said, Lilith didn't answered, she didn't even look at the woman. -People die, my dear, they go somewhere, and the only honor we can do them is to remember them. Who knows if there is a place that would be worse than this hell on earth?Lilith looked at Zelda, who didn't blink, focusing her attention on the woman.-My father always said: "what we know is stranded, what we don't know is the ocean", I don't know why, but this phrase always calms me, we are now stranded, and we don't know what will happen next, so I still have hope, I believe that everything will be fine. You, heart, also need to remember what you believe in. Zelda finally realized that she really was acting like a hurt child, and finally she moved closer to Lilith, allowing the faint warmth of woman body to envelop her. -Zelda Spellman,- the red-haired woman said, catching Lilith's blank stare.-My name is Zelda Spellman. Lilith smiled wearily as she said her name. -I have somebody, who are waiting for me at home. -It's wonderful, remember that,-Lilith said, almost falling asleep. Day after day, week after week, Zelda did not notice how all her actions were no longer accompanied by thoughts, she became apathetic, stopped distinguishing between a weekday and a weekend, stopped seeing something terrible in taking off clothes from already dead people, stopped feeling anything but tired. She only realized that some time had passed when she unwound her scarf and found that part of her hair had already grown back. She no longer needed the physical warmth that came from Lilith, but she was still there, lying down next to her, just to know that someone was there, beside with her.And now she lay on her side and curled up in a ball, usually they just lay there, never one of them violated each other's personal boundaries. But today, Lilith turned to face Zelda and put her arm around her shoulders, and only now did the Woman realize how much she missed it, how much she missed physical contact with someone. -Do you know what day it is?-Lilith asked. Zelda looked at Lilith in surprise. What day? What year is it today? Zelda didn't know anything. -It's Christmas, Zelda, and merry Christmas. And Zelda realized that she hadn't noticed at all how much more snow had fallen, how the orange leaves had completely disappeared, how the nights had gotten colder. She completely lost track of time, of life, as if she had aged fifty years. It hadn't been more than a couple of months since she'd arrived here, and she'd already lost everybody and everything. Tears began to roll down her cheeks, and she tried to catch her breath and not sob, but she couldn't hold back a soft sniff. Lilith moved a little closer, allowing Zelda to take her hand, but instead Zelda snuggled against her chest, hugging Her and sobbing softly. Zelda was really need of the woman lying next to her, she was too lonely so long, she couldn't afford to forget so long ago, before time as Lilith hands touched her shoulders, she didn't realize how lonely she how tired she is, how wanted to return to his warm bed, not lying on the cold ground as she tired to eat this bread from sawdust², as she just wants to drink hot tea. But right now, she had little comfort in Lilith's arms, and she wouldn't let herself just fall asleep without getting enough of the feeling of something warm and helpful. But as much as Zelda wanted to stay awake, her eyes closed of their own accord, but she didn't fall asleep alone. She had never been alone physically before, but now she was not alone mentally either.

***

Hilda was circling the stove, helping an elderly woman prepare a festive dinner.  
-You should have to start cooked earlier, Hilda, I told you that yesterday,-the woman said with a pronounced Rusyn accent.  
Time all, pani³ Boronyova, don't worry, I'll just have to wait a couple of minutes.  
-Who will waiting for you? The first star?  
-This is your Orthodox tradition, you do not celebrate Christmas today.  
-And this is not your concern, I do it not for you, but for the girl to honor and remember their traditions. Don't think I don't respect you, but she's still a child and can be better than you. Although if I believe your fairy tales about what happened to your family, you're not that bad,-the woman said in broken German as she took a clay pot out of the oven.  
-I'm telling the truth,-Hilda said indignantly, -as soon as we find Zelda, She'll tell you what happened to her.  
Pani Boronyova exhaled wearily, she combed her curly hair, come loose from under the scarf.  
-If you really love your sister, Hildegard, you should hope that she is dead.  
-That's enough, Zelda will be fine she is fine, she's smart, she can handle anything,-Hilda said angrily, slamming her fist down on the table.  
-Believe what you will, Hildegard, but remember the one think- before death all are equal.  
Hilda and Lanz had been known with this woman, Yana Boronyova, for almost two weeks. They are finally was in save place, they was in Slovakia.  
Tired and hungry, they were finally relatively safe in the border town of Kuti, after a strenuous night crossing between Germany and Austria, during which even the usually restless Sabrina was silent, despite the hellish cold of the river. It was far from safe to cross the river, but if there was an opportunity to go unnoticed, this was it. Quietly submerged in the water, they did their best to stay underwater until the next Bank. It was difficult to walk in wet clothes, in winter, through a field where they could easily be seen, but the path that Zelda pointed out was indeed the safest. She didn't take the most standard route, she chose the closest border to Munich, they could go through the Austrian town of Bleichach, and from there they could try their luck in Switzerland, but both Lanz and Zelda initially had other plans-to get as far away from Germany as possible, and they had to go almost all of Austria, hiding in the woods, then in some abandoned buildings, but each of them was ready for this. But they were lucky, they managed to walk no more than thirty kilometers when they were found in the woods by a young jewish couple returning home to Vienna, Esti and Janko. Each of them understood the irony of the whole story, but no one talked about it. The young people didn't aski anything, they just helped, and the travellers needed protection and a warm bed more than ever. As soon as they were in Vienna, Hilda decided to take advantage of esty's offer to give them all time to rest, if Sabrina was constantly sleeping, then neither she nor Lantz had been sleeped for more than a week, and this journey through the icy water had hit to the man hard, he was shivering, he was constantly coughing, and at least two days of rest could help him. But the man thought otherwise, Hilda was angry when she saw that Lantz want to tooke Sabrina and the belongings that Hilda managed to get from the owners of the house and leave the Viena. But at the same time, Hilda understood the man's haste; it was dangerous to wait any longer, and so did Esty and the Yankee. The young people said that they were going to go to their family in Israel as soon as possible, but they were ready to help Hilda and Lantz, and if Hilda thought about asking them to give them food and a place to stay for the night, but Lantz thought further, he realized that in his current state he would not be able to walk a few more kilometers on his own, and he asked yank to help them cross the Slovak border. Hilda found this choice strange, but soon realized that it was easy to get from Slovakia to Ukraine and hide in the Carpathians. And here they were, in Kuti, living with esty's former nanny, a woman who Esty and Yankee trusted as much as they trusted themselves. Yana was rude, but nevertheless kind to each of them, especially to Sabrina, she taught the girl Slovak words and was happy every time she said something to her in Slovak, whether it was a simple "Ďakujem "or something more complex-it doesn't matter. And Yana knew well how to treat people, at least Lantz's chills had already passed, which made Hilda incredibly happy, and she was also happy that Lantz at least listened to Yana, did not quarrel with her and did what she asked, and she asked just to lie on the bed and get rest. But today, even she couldn't keep Lantz in bed, he was looking forward to the holiday as much as Sabrina, for each of them it was an opportunity to breathe out, to forget that something terrible was coming. Yana, although she cut off these conversations at the root, but even she was afraid of what might be waiting for them in the future.  
They set the dishes on the table just before sunset, and Sabrina and Lantz came out of the seni⁴, changing they close after they had fed the pigs. Sabrina chattered cheerfully to Lantz as He walked heavily, leaning on his cane. It was hard for Hilda to look at her husband, who had grown haggard over the past couple of months and looked ten years older, but she was comforted by the fact that he was still there for her.  
-And we were at the pigs!-Sabrina said.  
-And so, how are they?-Yana asked.  
-They're big! Very large.  
While Ian spoke with Sabrina, Hilda and I laid out the plates and lit candles.  
-Oh, just in time,-the woman said, looking out the window and seeing the first star shining brightly.-It's time to sit at the table.  
Lantz helped Sabrina sit down at the table, but none of the adults took their seats, and Jana folded her hands in prayer, reading the "The Lord's our prayer⁵" and Hilda and Lantz repeated her movements. Sabrina watched the scene curiously. The room was quiet, only Yana's mumbling could be heard, the only source of light was a single candle, but this place was not less cozy because of the lack of light, no, it was a home for everyone who was here at the moment. And for Hilda, too, but she hed feeling that she was missing something, or rather someone, and as each of them began to wish each other a merry Christmas, Hilda said softly,  
-Merry Christmas, Zelda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¹-february 1939 — the first typhoid epidemic, in november — an epidemic of dysentery. At the end of 1939, there are 11,807 prisoners in the camp, 1,235 of them died.  
> ²Osten-Brot is an ersatz bread made from surrogate materials that was developed by the Nazis specifically for feeding Soviet prisoners of war. The use of "ersatz bread" in food was one of the reasons for the increase in mortality among Soviet prisoners of war.  
> According to the recipe, the components of "ersatz bread" were pressed sugar beet (40%), bran (30%), sawdust (20%) and cellulose flour from leaves or straw (10%).  
> ³Pani-slavic version of miss / missis /frau and other things. Used in most countries of the slavic group.  
> ⁴Seni(sentsy) - entrance part (entrance hall) of a traditional kind of slavic house; unheated and non-residential premises.  
> ⁵In most Slavic countries, this prayer is called "our father," including in Slovakia(otčenáš, modlitba pána).
> 
> In most death camps, prisoners actually took off the clothes of dead people, most prisoners did not see anything unusual in this, the concept of death was very much atrophied, or rather changed.
> 
> P.S. Sorry, I was thinking about something else and didn't notice that instead of the border city with Austria, I wrote Kuti, this is a city on the border with the Czech Republic, it is literally an hour's drive to Brno.


	6. Chapter 6

After this Christmas night, Zelda decided to start counting the days of the week, to start to do everything to do not forget who she is, it seemed to her for a long time that being out of control, not remembering what was happening, just being an unconscious doll was easier. She understood this on a subconscious level, not focusing on the minutes she had lived, work, sleep, work again, the less one thinks about the horror that is happening around them, the easier it is to go into the world of fantasy, and in Zelda's case, just go into oblivion. On that Christmas morning, she woke up even before the guards arrived, and realized with horror that she had become what she had feared, she had become so faceless, empty, not following life. She had seen such people here from the very first day, even Lilith had counted them among them, and she had joined the ranks of the desperate, naively thinking that everyone here was like that. And now she saw, not just looked, no, she saw and understood a lot of things, and the main one was that now she was no longer a support for herself, that she needed the same hand that pulled her out of the depths of darkness into the light, helping her to recover. There was an atmosphere of terror everywhere, but there were still those who remained strong, and no matter what, Zelda couldn't call herself that, she succumbed to this General decline. Only the military lived here, only the German military, everyone else existed. It wasn't until she was finally here that Zelda understood why she was helping those people, and why they needed this help: before, she was just driven by a blind sense of justice, a desire to help the innocent, without fully realizing what hell they were going to, and Edward and Diana were also here, and they were suffering just like everyone else, and Zelda was already starting to lose herself, there was only a shadow in her place, and the woman decided that if there was a way to stay sane, it was not to forget who she was. Only a few weeks had been enough for this place to erase her name and identity almost completely, but she wasn't going to give up anymore, she was always Hilda's support, but no one ever knew that Zelda's support was Sabrina, the little blonde girl who was the incentive, the most important incentive, to live, to fight, to face fear, because she always had Sabrina by her side. And as soon as the girl left, disappeared from Zelda's life, Zelda immediately fell, unable to get up, shake off and go further, as soon as the girl disappeared, the woman became small, just as fragile, needing a strong person next to her, a stronger person than Zelda is. This place really destroyed a person from the inside, once she was a giver of help, once she the persone who helped the weak and defenseless, strong and powerful woman, and now everything that she had so carefully hidden from everyone, even from herself, came out: Zelda was weak, only for her family she was protecer, she needed to take care of them, to protect their lives as her own, because their lives essentially fed her will, if Hilda or Edward were here she wouldn't forget why she has to remember everything, remember who she is, why she's here, who's waiting for her at home, she would have no right to be weak. But now she was alone, all alone, without someone to be strong for, she was not strong like Lilith, who seems was originally born with the realization that no one but herself would help her, that no one would support her, and that strength must be drawn from herself, constantly finding new reasons for life. Once upon a time, in that quiet life without troubles, Zelda was needed by many people, and when Diana and Edward died, it was in being needed by others that she found an outlet. Zelda always acted on her conscience, what she thought was wrong she tried to change, only after the death of her brother she finally understood his fierce resistance to the Reich, the SS, Hitler, he looked further than she did, Edward was always wiser, and his wisdom was imbued with her, even if it was too late. When her brother died, the woman had no time to be sad, she managed to do what Edward wanted: she was able to help those who needed it, she was never interested in what happened after the transfer of information, she knew that people could do something, and they always did, even when the Nuremberg laws¹ came into force.  
The jews remained, they showed courage, perhaps recklessness, but they remained, and those who left still helped, out of the shadows, and Zelda was one of them. It was comforting, but now even that was taken away from her, there was nothing more she could do, and it turned out that she couldn't even protect her self. Too weak to stand up to the horror she was creating here, she knew that very soon she would return to that state of helplessness, that she would again become just a rag doll that someone would bring to life from time to time. Tears of helplessness rolled down the woman's cheeks, even the thought that Hilda, Sabrina, and Lantz had managed to escape was comforting, no, Zelda was still glad of that fact, but the more time passed, the harder it was to get any emotions out of her. The woman subconsciously surrendered the hand that was still in her hand to Lilith, turning her head so that the tears wouldn't run down the woman's shirt. Zelda tried to sit as quietly as possible, so that no one would notice what she was doing, all her life the woman considered tears something shameful, and she did not want anyone to see how she succumbed to emotions for the second time in the last few hours.  
-Don't be shy about showing that you're still alive,-Lilith whispered softly, as if reading her thoughts.  
Zelda opened her eyes wide, turning abruptly to the brunette, and started to beg for forgiveness, but was interrupted by a wave of the woman's hand.  
-I don't think there's anything to apologize for, I didn't sleep, I just didn't want to disturb you. This place is far from a garden of Eden, but you're still alive, and I'd give a lot to be able to cry like this. In time, you will become just as ruthless, it is inevitable for all of us, but while there is time, live with your heart, Zelda, it will let you know that you are still a human being,- Lilith said, turning her back on the red-haired woman.  
Zelda didn't say anything else, but just sat there, as if guarding the sleep of everyone in the room, as if trying to prolong the moments of calm, but time can't be stopped, it can't be accelerated, so at the proper time, the music began to sound, announcing the start of a new working day. Weekdays were no different from weekends, except that a new batch of prisoners had arrived today, and several young girls were standing at the farthest table, not knowing what to do. Normally, Zelda wouldn't have looked at the girls, remembering the punishment for those who made the slightest mistake, but today, instead of the guards, for the first time ever, there were kapos, a small, frail, dark-haired woman with large brown eyes, who differed from the prisoners only in her healthier appearance and the inscription oberkapo² over a blue triangle³, and the red-haired woman allowed herself to stare at the new prisoners, who did not understand exactly how to assemble the mechanism. Zelda felt sorry for them, they reminded her of Czeslwa, just as small, in fact, children who didn't belong here. She was so lost in thought that she didn't even notice when the kapo came up to her, but when the iron stick hit her on the back, she realized her mistake. Zelda's legs immediately gave way, she instinctively pressed her hands to her head, trying to cover her face and head from the blows, it was not quite good, she felt strong blows on her arms, legs, back, it seemed to last forever, and Zelda realized that everything was over when she heard the woman's voice: -Stop hanging around, there's no work waiting,- kapo said in a thick Romanian accent. Zelda scrambled to her feet, feeling as if every bone in her body had been crushed, as if she'd been under an asphalt paver. Blood flooded her right eye, and her fingers were trembling, either from the cold or from the hard blows, but she didn't want to test the kapo's patience any more, so the red-haired woman took the iron parts in her hands and continued her work. It took her a few minutes to realize that this situation was absurdly similar to her first day, only now she and those girls had switched places. Ridiculously absurd. She slowly reached for a new part, even if she would have liked to move faster, she couldn't, the pain held her every movement, not even allowing her to breathe deeply, which is to say about work. As soon as her fingers touched the cold metal of the part, she felt the weightless, ephemeral touch of her fingers on her hand. At any other time, she wouldn't have noticed the gesture, but not now, she sees some things differently now, and now she finally understands what support is, if there was a more accurate description of the word, Zelda didn't know it, and didn't want to know it. It only lasted a fraction of a second, but it made me feel better. The work shift seemed to last forever, Zelda's legs were numb, her left knee seemed to stop bending in principle, her head was spinning, her vision was constantly swimming, and for the first time the woman was glad that the winter was cold, usually she shivered to the bone and could not warm up for hours, but now the fact that she felt her limbs from the cold was As soon as the voice came over the loudspeaker, Zelda exhaled, leaning her elbows on the table and giving herself a few seconds of respite, she realized that something was wrong when she noticed how everyone started to form in some uneven rows. Zelda looked questioningly at Lilith, who only said quietly that they were being taken to the bathroom. Involuntarily, the woman was happy, warm water is something that at least a little bit would help to numb the pain and fatigue, she involuntarily remembered how she sat at home in the bathroom for no more than 5 minutes, because Sabrina could not sit in one place and always spoiled her rest. Sabrina herself always ran away from Hilda when she wanted to bathe her, once Zelda came home and saw a piece of the girl's nightgown sticking out of the dresser, she once again hid from Hilda, preferring the dark dresser to the bathroom. The woman took a deep breath, clutching at her shirt, and for a moment she forgot about what had happened today, but the pain returned with a new force, bringing her back from the pleasant memories to the gray and cruel reality. The room they were led into was completely tiled, with hideous gray tiles on the walls and small Terra cotta tiles on the floor. It was as cold as in the workshop, but the redhead was hoping that the warm water will help you not to pay attention to it. The women began to undress, and Zelda finally saw Lilith from behind, and she realized that the clothes hid a lot, if that was what you could call the bones covered by the skin. Lilith's ribs protruded and there were hollows between them, vertebrae that seemed to be counted even without her bending down, and her thin legs were actually even thinner, just two bones that somehow held her up. And so it could be said of every one of those who had been in this place longer, every one, including Zelda, no, she was not yet a dried-up skeleton, but she would surely soon meet the same fate. Redhead undressed slower than the other, it was still too slow, she tried to pull the shirt, but the first attempt she failed, just when she pulled the shirt over the sleeves Zelda was finally able to undress, his pants were given even more work, bend the left knee was in terrible pain, but here, too, came to the aid of Lilith, which a few deft movements pulled first his right leg, then helped Zelda step over them. All the women were dragged to the wall, and the red-haired woman finally had a chance to look at her legs, the torn skin that was bleeding in places, the blue bruises that were still very fresh, the swollen knee, and God knows what else-this is the price for a second's delay. Finally, the water was turned on and Zelda happily prepared for a warm stream that would somehow brighten up the day, but as soon as the first drops of water hit her skin, she realized how much she was mistaken. The icy stream covered her completely, from the top of her head to the heels of her feet, Zelda tried to hide from the cold by turning the other way, but nothing happened, the water stopped hitting her side with its strong pressure, but they immediately threw some powder-cleaning agent for disinfection, then they turned their backs and after the powder was thrown at them again, they began to pour ice water on them again. As much as Zelda didn't want to admit it, she knew this was her only chance to decontaminate the wounds and just wash the blood off, so she started to slowly bend down, trying to move her hands as fast as possible to wash all the blood off her face. It was all over as quickly as it had started, but the woman still managed to clean herself up. At least in relative terms, she even managed to wash her hands of fuel oil. They were never given new sets of clothes, but Zelda didn't care, if only because they got dinner, bread, and even a double portion of water. "It's not really a bad end to the day," Lilith said, sitting down on the hay next to the window. Zelda didn't say anything, just sat down next to her and started dividing her bread into smaller pieces, you never know when the next time you get a portion of food, you need to be prepared for everything. -Zelda, listen to me carefully,- Lilith said in a whisper,- don't ever make kapo angry, ever, do you understand me? They are worse than the guards, they are much more violent, they are not the same prisoners as us, they consider themselves superior, they are above us, they have good food, they have time to rest, they do not work so hard, everyone will understand if you go to them, but if you do not want to go to them, please stay away, watch them more than ordinary guards. -I didn't know,-Zelda said. -That's the problem, no one knows at first, I remember reading in a book once that people in certain circumstances can give in to their primitive instincts, and, you know, I didn't want to see this part of the human soul. That remind me the story: i have friend from Japan, they usually say that every person has three faces⁴, before I dreamed of seeing the third face of all people, now I dream to forget about them, - said Lilith. Zelda finally looked at the woman, it took her more than a few weeks and a confession to realize that Lilith was speaking without emotion, at all, there was almost no intonation in her speech, and she finally saw what the brunette's eyes did not have, there was no life in them, finally Zelda understood what Lilith meant when she said that you should live with your heart. So alive on the outside, the person who kept telling himself that he believed in something, in fact, has already lost his entire life. It was difficult to understand at first glance, and from the second, after all, Lilith was not a desperate person, on the contrary, she always helped everyone, including Zelda, but the most cheerful and brave people often find themselves alone with their misfortune. The red-haired woman inhaled heavily, turning to face Lilith, she was uncomfortable in this position, something pricked in her side, but despite this, Zelda continued to move until finally her arms wrapped around Lilith, pressing the woman to her, the red-haired woman's hands hurt, it was hard to breathe, but as soon as she felt Lilith finally relax in her arms, allowing herself to cling even closer to the woman, all the discomfort disappeared. Finally, Zelda Spellman found a real friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¹This is my abstract reference to Kristallnacht in 1938, or rather to the events that preceded it(Kristallnacht, or the Night of broken Windows (Novemberpogrome 1938, (Reichs -) Kristallnacht), was a Jewish pogrom (a series of coordinated attacks) throughout Nazi Germany, parts of Austria, and the Sudetenland on November 9-10, 1938, carried out by SA paramilitary units and civilians. The police withdrew from obstructing these events. As a result of the attacks, many streets were covered with shards of shop Windows belonging to Jews, buildings and synagogues.)  
> A kapo or prisoner functionary (germ., Funktionshäftling) was a prisoner in a Nazi camp who was assigned by the SS guards to supervise forced labor or carry out administrative tasks. They usually was more cruel and brutal.  
> Blue triangle mean emigrations. Armband of the oberkapo (chief kapo)  
> We show the first face to the world.  
> Second , to close friends and family.  
> We will never show the third to anyone.


End file.
